For y'all's consideration

Some great lines from this weekend.

"I'm a gentile, but i'm not running around saying, 'Hey take a look at my foreskin.'"

This was almost as good as,

"If it hadn't been for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

I'm back

I'm peeking in my head to see if people welcome me with open arms or if I get a tomato in the face. I hope not the latter. They are totally out of season.

The 6th of July. . America (2nd edition)

In honor of the lesser known 6th of July (which is famous for Thomas Jefferson finding the typo "The United Stats of America" in the Declaration of Independence) I would like us to reflect on the concept of medleys in our society. Obviously there are patriotic medleys which effortless flow from one song to another causing people to throw up (just a little in their mouths). I am intrigued by another medley concept. . . .vegetable medleys.

okra, corn and tomatoes. . . . a tribute to the South?

Bacon, lettuce and tomato. . . a tribute to things grown on a farm?

3 bean soup. . . .a tribute to (no brainer) beans?

Pink lemonade, vodka and beer. . . a tribute to getting "naked in the woods"? (I know these are not vegetables but are essential to life)

I am intrigued by this concept and would love to hear of any medleys that y'all think are meaningful in your lives or have touched you in some ways (now giggle and think of all the dirty things that could mean. . .i did).

Adding a dash of madness to my method

I have decided today that I am going to start a series of clinics after I graduate. My methodology will be based partly on kinesiology, biomechanics and physics, but the main focus will be the area of psychological empowerment to overcome obstacles.

For example:

I have a patient come into my clinic for resistance training. My plan will start and finish with the same amount of resistance. "How in the world do you plan to do that?", one might ask. "Simple", I would reply.

Insults. I plan to raise the level of psychological stress to increase the physical workrate. Some basic principles still apply. The level of insult is determined by the technique of the patient during exercise. I mean without technique we have nothing.

No studies have been done that show this would not work. I will be the first. Of course, I have to be careful. Obviously no racial, religious or sexual orientation comments would be protocol for the first day. Push too hard and they won't commit to the program. The "tres amigos" can only be used for a very advanced patient.

Don't try this at home or work (especially work). I am going to be a trained professional, although I find that I have a natural talent. Shall we say I have found my niche'. I will however need technicians and if my business model goes as planned I'll give all you jackasses a job.

Building tomorrows crack houses. . today

I was recently involved in a Habitat for Humanity project which was funded by Oprah and Kevin Garnett for 10 families displaced by Hurricane Katrina. There was a 10 day neighborhood blitz, in which the ten new homes were built on one street. Overall it was a wonderful experience.

The one thing that always get me about Habitat is that they pick the worst neighboorhood find the deepest darkest corner and build a really pretty house. Yeah!!!!! Heres your new house built on a conventional foundation (crack whores and addicts need a place to sleep also) and your new bulletproof vest. The families showed up and were obviously excited to get a new house. It was wonderful to see how much they appreciated what they were getting.

Jimmy's Crafty

We watched an A&E special on a woman who had half of a body. She was amazing, but her husband was hilarious. Every time he was on camera it was at the gym and every interview was about his prowess at being an alpha male. A little twist of irony. . his wife's brother (Jimmy) hit him in the head with a chain. . .he has the mind of an eight year old. How do you not see that coming?

All we could figure. . . . . Jimmy's crafty.

spring break. SPRING BREAK!!!!

SPRING BREAK!!!!

Anybody else feel like watching an Andrew McCarthy movie. Wierd.